Clarity or Confusion ?

Ever had a moment of pure clarity? That second of pure insight into your own life, that is as if for just a moment the fog lifts and you can see around you in every direction? Well sometimes that second seems to lead to more confusion than you had before. To more questions than answers....
I am the worlds worst about second guessing myself. Doubt and fear have at times ruled my life. I have very little fear anymore, as for doubt....that's another story all together. I have the little voices yelling at me all the time now. Change things! Stand up for your self! Be strong! Take more control of your own destiny! Say what you think!.....on and on the stronger version of me pushes and yet I still feel like I am standing still. It seems like this should be as simple as breathing. But it is a constant battle within to balance the who I have been with who I should be. Why you ask should I not just embrace fully the changes that seem to be the stronger more true person I am? Well I have the fear, fear of the way ones closest to me will react.
The person that they think I am has been changing slowly and now that it is a daily struggle to live life as a person I don't even really like, but who they think is just dandy! Why wouldn't you love someone that just lets everyone get there way all the time. Is not there fault that I have spent the greater part of my life as a professional door mat. But my actions and behavior directly effects them so to change myself would more likely than not cause resentment and discord within these relationships and of course all those that truly know me know I'm so good at handling that stress....right? lol Confrontation has NEVER been something I handle well and the thought of it is exactly what keeps my patters the same.
So am I at an impasse? Do I let fear of change and confrontation hold me to behavioral patterns that are self depriving and counter to all I want and feel? Do I let fear of loss hold me to act counter to what I truly want to do in my daily life? And with that being said if those around me truly love me for who I am shouldn't they be willing to bend and change for me at least a little if it allows for growth in not only myself but them as well? It is all to confusing and simply overwhelming I think it is possible that my head may simply explode with all the fear and confusion that rattles around in it on any given day!
Maybe it is just the ,Don't give a F*#k pills, kicking in extra hard or maybe it is a moment of clarity pulled from deep within myself and the insight that I so believe to be given from the Goddess to witch I pray to daily for help from. Or maybe I am just bat shit crazy! I don't know.... What I do know is that I have given advice to many others and always truly believed in what I was thinking and saying so maybe now I should take some of my own words of wisdom and just suck it up and make the change! Let what will be, be and just for once do something out of complete selfishness and by that action let the rest just fall into place. Because in the words I have used over and over to others...."You can not love others or expect others to love you, If you first do not love yourself!"