2012 a look back

Tonight was the last full moon of 2012. Knowing this made me think back on the past year and to take a moment to truly tink of the things that have come to pass this last year. For the most part this has been a good year, a year of growth and new beginnings. My husband and I are doing great. Our business is growing. Our kids are doing well, and we are finely making the move home to Shreveport.  
There are things on a personal level I have come to learn this year. First and most important is that I can not make everyone happy all the time. I know now that not everyone will like my choices and that is okay. I can not live my life constantly worrying about things like that. Besides, what good is it to do things to make others happy if you are miserable. I also see that true friends will see that the choices you make for yourself are just that your choices and love you all the same no matter what you do!
I am also seeing that sometimes "friends" need to be just that. Just Friends, not family and other times, on occasion, there are those that in your life that make the choice to be more and become truly family. Those are the people that take you as you are. The ones that stand up for you. The ones that are there for you and see the things that make you happy and will share in that happiness and not judge you for the choices you make, be they right or wrong.
I have always been so worried about making others happy, I never wanted to disappoint anyone so I would let myself be pulled this way and that. Just so i wouldn't make others unhappy but it usually made me unhappy and that sucks, so no more of living for others. I must be happy with myself before I can make others happy.
So enough of that now.... The bright points of this year! I have my husband  back! The wonderful man that loves me with all his heart and would do anything to make me happy. I will be close to my wonderful daughter and grandson very soon! All of our kids are well and healthy. I finely have the chance to start building  the home of my dreams and I have been blessed to have had the personal growth to see who my true friends  & family are and who those are that in time will pass out of my life without so much as a passing thought. I have learned from my choices made and I do not regret my mistakes because if I had not made them I would not be who I am now.
This time of year you hear so many people talk about resolutions and regrets. I have no regrets this year, and as far as resolutions .... I can only say this " I will love myself so that I may love others to my full ability,  and I will do my best to be honest with myself so that I will make choices that reflect the desires that I have for my life and not just do things that others feel I should do. I will extend a helping hand when at all posable, but not let my hopes of helping others hurt myself or the relationships that are truly important to me. I will no longer suffer mental anguish at the hands of others because they don't like or accept things in my life. I will protect those I love and let all others go to there own devices and most importantly I will live life to its fullest and take joy in the small things!"  These are my promises to myself!

My all have joy, love and  hope for the coming year!

It's Christmas time again!

Well it's almost Christmas time again. And as usual there is so much going on. Adam is almost 2 years old now his birthday is this coming weekend. We have a lot going on 2 here at the house on packing getting ready to move back to Louisiana. And as usual I'm not prepared for Christmas. But I think that this year is going to be good. I'm happy about being where we are. J&I are happy Logans in a good school he's playing in the band . Business is a little slow now but I'm sure it will pick up soon. We are just so ready to be close to home and even though money is tight right now we are happy that we are together again.  I have a lot of things to do. I know I need to be getting ready but I haven't had the time to do it yet. Packing and getting ready to move has been my main concern. I'm very excited about moving home . And I know is this is what we need to do. Jay is even excited about it. And I think that I am looking forward most of all to being close to my friends and my family . And at last being able to spend more time with Nikki and Adam. I feel like I have missed so much with us being so far apart.
This you'll is exciting for us . The coven is doing a food drive for the northwest Louisiana Food Bank and we are having a very exciting ritual this year. I am looking forward to it very much. I do want how to make something wonderful for fellowship and feast but I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet. I also need to decide what gift I'm going to give for the giving tree . The giving tree is 1 of my life favorite  Christmas traditions. And seeing this wonderful group of friends that I have.  although I'm not as close to some of them  as I use to be I have chosen to separate myself from some of them. After what happened at Samhain. That whole event at the party made me see that a few of them are not as true of friends as I thought but I will not let them take away from the people that are truly my family. The few people that are the problem are not important enough 2 me to let me not be with the ones that are important. Maybe now after all these years I have become a true adult and I see now that I don't have to let everyone in to my heart.

Seven years and going strong!

Today is Mine and my husbands 7th Anniversary. I am blessed to be married to my best friend. No it hasn't always been easy, we like most have had hard times but we always seem to work it out. He is the most loving man I know and I am simply blessed to have him in my life. I am looking forward to our love growing even more. And now finely at almost 40 I am learning that things may not always be perfect but you get out of life what you put into it. I don't have to make everyone happy to be happy myself and if others don't like my choices, that's okay they don't have to live them I do!

long time....

Well I haven't written in a long time. I have been so distracted by life or confused may be a better word. At almost 40 years old, I think I may be figuring this all out! I have let people convince me I was unhappy. I have let myself be taken advantage of,  I have been so afraid of hurting peoples feeling that i have made myself miserable and done things that I really didn't want to do and in all this I am the only one that has gotten hurt. At first i wanted to blame others for this but I see now that i am the only one to blame.
 So that being said I am changing myself! I am not forgetting my friends but I am looking had at the way i let people effect my choices. I am the one that has to live my life. I am the one that suffers the effects of the choices I make and only me!
 My life is good, and just because others may not like somethings I do or the people I chose to have in my life does not mean I am not happy with my choices.I love my husband. I love my kids. I soon will be home and working on building a house. We have a business that we can grow with. Things are not perfect, but I have learned that happiness is not perfection it is being happy with what you have and making the best of the things you have.
 I have also learned that being happy with myself is important and that surprisingly I am not such a bad person!I like me! I am happy with my life at last! And no one is going to get in my way.....not even me!

Looking Forward

Its been a long 2 weeks that's for sure! We have been very busy with moving and such. We have down sized in a big way and it is really nice to get rid of so much clutter & wasted space! I was getting very tired of taking care of a house we hated really.  I am one of those people that cant stand clutter so we have every single thing unpacked and put away in less that 3 days! It looks like we have been in our apartment for years! lol
Next week is Imbolc and I am looking forward to a long weekend with friends and family. I will be having Rites in Louisiana with SPC and am very eager to see my coven It feels as if I haven't seen them in forever and we just had Yule in December.  We did a long distance contact spell last week that was very cool and helped with the home sickness a bit but I don't think there is anything that can take the place of actually being with them. There is just something calming about the way we all get along, it is a peaceful feeling when I am around them that I don't get anywhere else in the world. Being so far from that is hard sometimes. So I jump at the chance to be with them so I can just soak up the energy that flows so easily from all of us when we are together. Just the shear peace and joy of friendship, and simple pleasure of relaxed conversation and fellowship those are the things I miss most when I am away from them.
I will be doing video blogs next weekend on the trip and post lots of pics of the trip. May the Lady and Lord bless and keep you all!

Choices

We all make choices in life, some good, some bad, and sometimes we make the choice that is yet to be seen. Those choices are more about the hope of a positive outcome. More about the desire to have something work out in a favorable way that will bring happiness into our lives in a place that it may have been lacking. When faced with choices such as these, it can be confusing, and down right painful. It is hard to go backwards with only a hope for change but if you don't take the step back you have to live with the unknown "what if" forever. I have many "what if's"  in my life and because of the lingering questions that come with that I have experienced lingering large doubts, and these have caused stresses in my life that I so wish i did not have.
 So faced with large choices in my life now I seem to have a hard time making the hard and fast choices and once made I lack commitment to them. I just have to see the what if through to the end. And hope that this time, things will be different. I will give things a true effort, as long as my efforts are matched, and in my heart I know if It doesn't work then I really tried and if it does work I will have grown through the effort given. Then there will be no dreaded "what if" nagging anymore. I will be able to walk forward on the path given to me by the Lady and Lord without questioning my own efforts and know that I did the best I can. I hope that things work, I think they will, and I know as long as I do my part in it all, I will not have fear in my heart as I walk down the path of my life.
 I am not alone, I have wonderful people in my life that will stand with me and support me as I walk along. I know they may not all understand my "choices" but they will respect them. I respect each of my friends and family. I am blessed to have them and love them all.

Is it over yet?

Well , it's almost over.... The holiday season. I have been in a very ant-holiday mood this year! I have boycotted the commercialism and obsessive tendency to to become all consumed by "things" and "stresses" that seem to rule us all us each at this time each year. We as a family did not do the overblown Thanksgiving feast, and had no planes to do the ridiculousness that was our gift giving last year. That being said, I did spend the greater part of Christmas eve Cooking a LARGE meal that we decided to do at the last moment because we thought that 2 of the older kids where going to come in..... So I cooked all day and was up until 2 am Christmas morning cooking and letting myself become completely obsessed with the desire to make a feast fit for kings and queens!  That being said, time came for the kids to come and.......we wait.....and wait.....and text.....and call.............and NOT A DAMN peep! So am I mad? um......YES! I am so sick of the step kids hurting not only my feelings but there Dad's feelings! First and foremost on my mind is this, I KNOW if we had done the overblown Christmas gift giving extravaganza that was given last year they would have all been here with bells on! But because we wanted a simpler holiday, one that was more about the true spirit of what we see the holiday should be, they not only didn't show up.....but didn't even have the common courtesy to call and let us know they were not going to come! It made me mad, and really upset there dad. So needless to say, I will NOT be doing any big things for them anytime, that ship has sailed!

 On a good note, It was a blessed yule with my coven! They are such a wonderful group of loving people! The Ritual was amazing and I simply can not say thank you enough to express all of the hard work that my wonderful HP and Elders go through taking care in all the details and work that they do each and every time  we have ritual! It was amazing! I love you each and every one and Thank the Lady and Lord for bringing you each into my life!
 So now, the only one left is New Years. So what is my plan for New years Eve? NOT A THING! I am here in Athens and I do not see a night out or party happening anytime soon. So as for plans?...... Nope. Not a one! I hope everyone has had a Joyful holiday! Be it Yule, Christmas, Hanukkah or any other day of joyous celebration that is uplifting to your heart! And my you all Have a safe and Joyful new year!